Clarification: When I write, I don't prepare or organize my ideas, I just write what I would say if I was talking to you in person, so sometimes my blogs end up a little messy. I don't even proof-read what I write before posting it so you may find grammatical mistakes and poorly written sentences. Sometimes I'll read my blogs a day or two after publishing them and I may re-write things that weren't too clear and any embarrassing grammatical mistake. Also, English is not my first language, so I apologize if reading my blogs become a struggle. Of course, if this is the case, I would imagine you wouldn't continue reading.

Jan 13, 2010

I Miss Conversations

I can't remember the last time I sat down and had a long and interesting conversation with a friend, it's been months. But it's even more depressing that it's probably been years since I had conversations with friends on a regular basis. There are many reasons for this, I suppose. Is it my own fault? I don't know, I think during the past few months I've been doing my best to get out of my cave to socialize, communicate, and connect with people. The key word is "connect". It's not happening anymore.

While thinking about how strange life has felt lately, and noticing that conversations have been gone for quite a while, I also noticed that even e-mail or social-media-messages conversations were gone. Long blog conversations and arguments are gone too. Is it just me? Have I isolated myself to the point where I'm having to start from zero again? Shit, well, are you noticing the sames things I am? And who are you, by the way? Next time knock the door.

When MySpace was the shit, and people were excited about it because they realized that it was a great way to find people with common interests (and stalkers, perverts, and freaks), things were really good. I actually met and became friends with lots of people who I still talk to (briefly) today. On MySpace, message-conversations (meaning long interesting conversations), with people I didn't know happened all the time, and I loved it. Then the blog section was implemented (or I discovered it) and things got even better. I invested plenty of time on my awesome blog talking about all the useless crap I think about all the time. I also subscribed to any of my MySpace friend's blogs who wrote anything mildly interesting. "I'll be your magazine, you'll be mine" was my motto. It was a time for discussions and opinion exchange, the Renaissance of the social media era. I remember so many ultra long-passionate arguments on my conservative friend's blogs and on my own. It felt great to think, and to write, and to read, and to talk shit, and to get insulted, and to be a smartass. Every day I couldn't wait to get home to read all the comments people left on my blogs and then start writing the next blog. Fun, fun, fun. I think about it and I smile because it was so awesome, so pleasurable! Where did it all fucking go?

Then the more mature and sleek Facebook came along in the middle of the MySpace party. It wasn't that different, all they did was take away the freedom to make your own shitty profile design, which people enjoyed on MySpace. Also, because Facebook default settings made your profile very private from the start, women stopped getting those 4 or 5 daily messages with pictures of guys genitalia. Additionally, people didn't have to deal with millions of daily band friend requests that was so typical on MySpace, and ads were minimal, while on MySpace the raunchy ads soared. The migration began.

The reason why I didn't like Facebook at first was because there were no bulletins and blogs were called (and are still called) notes, and it was confusing to go around your friends' blogs and discussions. I felt that communicating on Facebook was more difficult back then. But when the almighty Twitter rose all the way to the top out of nowhere, Facebook, and later MySpace, adopted the status-based format, where we are constantly telling your friends what we're up to. Hey, even I was converted! Twitter and Facebook became my default sites for cyber-socializing. I still have my MySpace, but I check it way less frequently than I used to.

I believe that this new status-based communication allows you to actually get to know someone better than the early MySpace way, since it's all based on "me" and it's written for "me", you don't have all the bullshit and fictional personas that people on MySpace used to create of themselves. You actually get to read what someone is doing instead of reading how awesome they think they are or their dramatic blogs begging the world for attention. But the statuses, and their comments and "likes", killed the conversations, I'm afraid. It's instant gratification at all times, this getting to know what everyone is doing all the time. Short and sweet, or bittersweet, in my case. I follow you and read what the fuck you're doing, that's it. There are no more "tell me who the fuck you are" private messages, and then waiting for that long message full of bullshit to appear in your inbox. So sad.

You know, like I said before, I have been trying to go out and connect with people. Yes, I'm a picky motherfucker sometimes, and most people bore me to death, but I know there's plenty of people I'd like to have a conversation with out there. However, just like in the social media world, real life seems to have shifted to the status-based mode. It's like everyone has their own personal agendas with no space to take the time to get to really know anyone. Short and sweet. Everything seems short and sweet. There's no depth. Once again, it could just be me, maybe I'm just fucked up, maybe I'm the different one who doesn't fit.

I'm not the kind of person to force myself on anyone. I will go out of my way to let you know somehow that I'd like to talk to you once, or maybe twice, and you'll know, you won't have to decipher cryptic or mixed signals. But if I get no feedback or I sense no interest from you, I won't fucking bother anymore. I retired from professional time-waster long ago, at least in the human relationship department. I prefer having a great conversation with one person than going out, getting drunk, and saying "hello" to the one hundred people that I "know".

I don't know, I might have lost my mojo, perhaps I should accept it and carry on. Nah, I hate giving up, so don't worry about it (not that you will). Although, you'll probably hear me whine and complain about this again.

I'll keep putting myself out there, hoping for something but expecting nothing. Just in case, I'm going to re-write here one of the first things I wrote when my cyber-social life began, and it's still there, on the front of MySpace profile:

"If you really want to get to know me (or to start to), you will have to at least have a conversation with me face to face. I love coffee, so feel free to invite me."

If you don't want to, then that's OK too, because in all honesty if you don't care, then I don't care.

Don't look at me with that face, you're creeping me out.

I'm glad I got that out of my chest, it's been bothering the shit out of me.

Until next time... or not!


vespeara said...

Instant gratification hits the nail on the head...pardon the trite expression. I'm guilty of moving on the moment it becomes uninteresting to me. Myspace...had it (have it) don't use it. Twittered for awhile too but then it faded into mundane crap that I really didn't give a shit about- and Facebook is just a virtual yearbook in my opinion...reserved mostly for those you think you "really" know-
Bottom's a big world full of all sorts of people and it's up to you to make the first move. If the connection is there it will be evident. Yes even online in my humble opinion. Though TRUE face to face is a rarity anymore- at least from my experience. It's easier for people to hide behind profiles and pictures instead of facing the enigma of real human nature- So yes thumbs up to you for recognizing the issue you have and for at least attempting to try and understand it. People like me who mostly hide behind the mask of typed words perhaps wish for the real interaction but have grown accustomed to this new reality that it's far easier to continue in the same manner...I doubt you've lost your mojo- but maybe it's time for you to invite someone out for coffee instead of checking your inbox. And by the way, Ive already taken my own advice- Great blog Mr. C-

CE54R said...

Well, let's see. I think MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, Bebo, etc, etc, etc, they all have it. Of course, you want to use the one that most of your friends use and with more potential to meet more cool people. Twitter is a bit different, because it is all about mundane stuff, for the most part, but I think through the mundane stuff you can actually get to know a bit better people. On the "regular" social sites, I think they are what you make of them. What I mention on my blog is that it seems that because of the format, everything is done via status updates, so the great conversations that used to happen, don't happen anymore.

When I talk about "taking the first step", I was referring to the real world. I never said I would not take the first step. Actually, if I meet someone who I find interesting, I am waste no time in taking the first, or second step. But if after doing so, the person shows no interest, no effort to maintain the connection, then I won't bother. I've been guilty of this myself, weather because I've been depressed, or any other issue that usually makes me isolate myself. But when I have finally came out of my cave, I let the people know that I am still interested. It's not that I won't invite someone to have coffee, or any other social activity. I have, and I will, and this have ended in disappointment most of the time.

The coffee line is just a way to say that you will never really get to know who I am by just reading my profile, so maybe we should get together and talk so you can have a better idea and can at least have a conversation.