Clarification: When I write, I don't prepare or organize my ideas, I just write what I would say if I was talking to you in person, so sometimes my blogs end up a little messy. I don't even proof-read what I write before posting it so you may find grammatical mistakes and poorly written sentences. Sometimes I'll read my blogs a day or two after publishing them and I may re-write things that weren't too clear and any embarrassing grammatical mistake. Also, English is not my first language, so I apologize if reading my blogs become a struggle. Of course, if this is the case, I would imagine you wouldn't continue reading.

Oct 22, 2016

Why Modern Dating Is So Fucked Up


I've always wondered how people are able to find dates/relationships so easily. It seems like the average single person doesn't stay single for more than a month before they find themselves in another relationship or are seeing someone pretty consistently. I see everyone coming in and out of relationships all the time, but how? It takes me forever to find someone I like, and even longer to find someone that I like that likes me back. Clearly, this can be easily explained if one or more of the following is true:

a) I'm very unappealing

b) I'm very annoying

c) I'm unrealistically picky

All of them are very possible, at least partially, and to be honest, I often think about these possibilities. I'm not trying to fish for your sympathy here, I don't want your pity or compliments, words don't mean much when they do not match the empirical data. Plus, I'm fine, not desperate, and quite honestly, pretty happy at the moment. 

So, while it's possible that I'm the problem here, I think that the real issue is something else, something much deeper, and something that affects everyone, including the serial daters. This is my theory:

The problem with modern dating is that many of those in the single and looking group, which I should called SAL from now on, have turned into chronic opportunists due to the influence of the current dating environment. It's possible this is true for the vast majority of SAL people, including the 3 or 4 people reading this blog. 

--- While this sounds like I'm saying that most humans are assholes, my theory is not intended to insult anyone or point fingers or vent about my personal dating experience, but to analyze a social phenomenon I find very interesting. Besides, it's very easy to proof that humans are selfish and inconsiderate without silly theory from someone who's mainly talking out of his ass. ---

Allow me to elaborate. It's no secret that quite often the fear of being alone affects people's judgement when it comes to get into or continue in a relationship. For this reason, as much as we like to deny it, people tend to date not the ones they really like and are really compatible with, but the best choice they have at the moment.

What is happening is that the illusion of a typical courtship is presented with the intention to secure a choice. What we aren't told is that this process is happening many other times in parallel. Have you been in a situation where someone you just met seemed super friendly and gave you the impression they really liked you, romantically or as a friend, then things change so abruptly that you wonder if you were just imagining things? What happened was that you were the best choice at one point, but a better choice became available, so you are of no use anymore. Going from "you're so cool, let's hang out and be BFF" to "who are you again? Oh, I'm busy" overnight is happening much more frequently nowadays.

The boom of online dating has created the perfect environment for this behavior to flourish. In the past, the opportunistic behavior was predominantly seen on the male side, but online dating is a game where women absolutely rule and men not only have little value, but are completely disposable, no matter how cool they are in the real world. However, since men on dating sites usually play the numbers game, then they too can show this opportunistic behavior. How many conversations on Tinder or OKCupid have mysteriously stopped for no apparent reason? One day you were having the most entertaining chat and planning meeting soon, then suddenly the same people don't even have the courtesy to acknowledge your existence ever again. That's the opportunistic behavior in action.

This also explains why it's difficult for me to date, because I can tell right away if someone is not going to work, even if they are really good "choices", so I don't have to go any further. This is true even if I have no other choices at that moment, which is often the case. I know what I want, and I don't meet people who have what I want every day. 

I have no problem being by myself, even when I really would enjoy having someone with whom I could go out and set the world on fire. I don't need someone by my side just to make me feel good about myself, I already do


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